Saturday 14 February 2015

The end has no end

hello there peepz ! :)
I am back again, with another tale.
Rea's story.... where there is no end to her pain :P
ahhh...well jokes apart....According to her, there is no end...to her relationship, which ended long time ago.
She was siting in front of me, biting her nails and eying my cheese burger, which i wouldn't have shared at any cost.
I didn't wanted to share my beloved burger with her and started right away "we have approximately 20-30 minutes, temme whatever is on your mind and yes you don't get the burger. "
I  asked her "What are you waiting for ? "
She was all numb and blank, i wondered what did exactly go wrong with her. Tears rolled down her eyes. I was hoping that she would start right away, I tried convincing her, it's time that she moves on (assuming the fact, that it has got something to do with  her love life yet again). After all things really don't go the way you wish to. 
And then she started.....
"Eight months... yes beautiful adventurous eight months. I wouldn't say it was a perfect relationship, but the best till date :) for sure. It was beautiful, perfect and weird in it's on way. I do miss those days where i would nag him for every little thing be it from eating to smoking to flirting with girls. No doubt, we fought every second day, but he would never forget to make up for the fight in his own surprising way. His sleepy calls every morning, my annoying calls every afternoon and the how was your day calls every night, was our daily routine or rather the toothbrush habit which we both developed unknowingly. No doubt his past was more f****d up than mines or any other person, but still i loved him the way he was, at least he wasn't fake, or pretended things which he wasn't. He wasn't perfect though, but his imperfections was the perfect thing i have ever been in love with.
If i had to describe him ever, i would call him 'the raw perfectionist', what a beautiful contrast it is, perfections in imperfections :) . I was asked by most of them, precisely everyone, lectured for hours by the counsellors, it's time you leave him, you really don't deserve this depression which you are facing because of him, it's really doing no good to your academics or to your mental and emotional health. I just reassured myself, that it's another bad phase in the relationship and it shall be over and things will be beautiful and perfect again. But little did i knew, i really couldn't force things to work out, communication between us started to die day by day, it crossed a stage where our names weren't visible in our call logs or the messages list. Weeks later he rings me up and pronounces as the end of our relationship and all i responded with a silent yes, it wasn't a mutual decision though, but somewhere i still assumed it to be a one sided relationship and continued to assume the fact that i still belong to him. Weeks later, i decided that i should come in terms with reality, i thought i had rather move on, maybe dating another guy would solve the problem. It really din't take me that much struggle to fetch another guy, it was a casual relationship, where there was no sign of love but an absolute package of lust, which took me really quite a lot of time to realise, by the time i realised it was too late, i decided to move out of it. Without a second thought i call up my ex back, the guy who is still the love of my life, after many rings he picks up my call, there was an unusual awkward silence between us, wondering to what we should really respond back with, on hearing his voice i felt more alive and happiness started flowing through my veins and arteries, what an unusual feeling it was. I was almost in tears, he could feel me over the phone, his silence spoke tons, & then i started that how hard i tried to move on and how i ran away from the relationship of lust, how i screwed up things when he wasn't around. He absolutely din't like the fact that i was dating someone else and that made me less pure in his perspective. He still hates me for the fact that i was away with some another guy and maybe he will never accept me back. But if i had to blame someone in the end, it would be him, because of his irrational sudden decision things got worse on my side forcing me to take steps which i have shouldn't, things wouldn't have gone to the worse extent if we would have mutually talked about it.... I am still trying to get things fine and perfect like before, hoping for a miracle to happen, but everything seems to be in vain. i feel there is no end to this pain and confusion over my mind and heart. It seems the end has no end.... "

I was staring at her all confused, her smile grew more broader, she wasn't crying anymore, i felt it was way too strange, the girl who was crying 30 minutes back was smiling at me mysteriously..

And then she continues again, "But i realised its very strange and stupid of me, to go back to someone, who judges me as impure, it was because of him that i landed up in those situations which made me take wrong decisions, i din't belong to him at that point of time, he left me all helpless and fragmented. I never made an issue with his past or his previous dating scenarios, and i feel its pretty pointless that he makes an issue of something for which he's highly responsible. No doubt i am still in a dilemma, deep inside my heart i do want that guy back badly, but i guess it would be a great insult to my self-respect if i go back to the same guy who actually considered me impure... for some really irrational reasons"

It was a strange feeling though, that Rea solved her problem and answered her question without my help for the first time. It's valentines day today and i believe she realised the fact that it's time that she starts loving herself more than anyone else could do. The more she starts loving herself for who she is as a person the more she will successfully stay away from all the people who would want to mess up around with her and her happiness. No doubt there is no end to any sort of thing which is considered to have ended, in fact it's just another new chapter, another new beginning.

I gleamed a creepy smile on her, i am sure she could spot the cheese in the corner of my teeth and she laughs back and says " why do you look so serious ? Just imagine, What if the purpose of love is to get us out of relationships and not into them ? ........."



-Oindrila Pal, BEING LEHA

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