In the dead of night: PART 1

DISCLAIMER: This is total fiction.

Assignments, Submissions and Exams season was on... Tension and anxieties were flowering from every possible tree (students). Staying awake, late nights and absolutely no sleep was the new soap at every household and hostels. Seemed more of diwali, lights on throughout the night and crackers and tensions bursting in every students mind. Parents were more worried, trying to lower down the stress levels with coffee and  boost, while students at their hostels had their parents calling up every hour to keep a check on their hardworking offspring's progress.
And there was me... all relaxed and working with a dull expression on, cursing myself for being irregular and delaying the completion of my assignments. I din't have an option then, i had to submit it the very next day. Music and food was my only encouragement for the night with my moms cup of coffee which was been served to me every hour <3 .
And all thanks to the whatsapp group of my class where people were still texting and keeping a check about the assignment progress.
Quarter to 2:00 (am) it was, i was on the verge of giving up and dozing off to a much needed break. But then my phone beeped, it was one of my favourite humans, my first crush from my previous college texted me. A sudden rush of excitement and happiness took over me. My sleep disappeared on seeing his name. Blushes and signs of joy took over my face and heart.
*The conversation*
Him : are you up ?
Me   : yes, say... ? (In  the possible formal way to hide my bouncing excitement)
Him : I am not sleepy, I guess, I am in love :/
Me   : In love ? with whom ? (I was excited and curious as hell, hoping that he falls in love with me for once !)
Him : I met someone recently.
(and me in my mind, started planning the possible murder plans which could be executed over the phone  >_< )
Me  : Oh well, interesting , so who is she, where does she hail from, how did you meet her ? (Faking with the possible happy smileys)
Him : I met her at my cousin's marriage, she's beautiful, a girl with the prettiest soul, her voice is soothing, every little thing about her is aesthetic !
Me  : Don"t you think it's way too soon to fall in love with her ? (With the creepiest thoughts over my mind, like them coming over my place to hand over the invitation for their marriage, with the cunning smile dressed over their face)
Him : Well not really, we travelled back together, and we guys got to know each other quite better !
Me  : Tell me more about her ! what is she doing ? where is she studying ? where does she stay ? (And there i bombarded him with all the possible questions, so that i could track her down as soon as possible and execute the possible murder plan)
Him : OK, stop it now you are irritating me !
Me  : oh well, it's just that, i am a bit scared, that's all. (trying to fake the whole thing with a happy smiley)
Him : But why ? I just don't understand the point here of you being scared.
Me  : ahhahahaha, It's simple, i can't stand the sight of you dating some other girl, forget sight ! I can't even stand the thought of it. I feel jealous about it, and that's simple. (Hoping that he figures out what's on my mind )
Him : Well, you aren't even dating me, then what's the problem there ?
Me  : You won't understand ! (Faking a happy smiley again)
Him : Then make me understand.
Me   : It's total vain <3 (he unknowingly switched me to the poetic mood )
Him : huuhhhh ?
Me  : 
                                                                       It's complicated,

         yet beautiful.

         Seems simple,

         but tough in every thought.

         You won't understand,

         because it's total vain.

         The pain behind it,

         is totally insane.

Him : Goodness ! You are too good with it. Well you know what....

Me   : Yes tell me. ( In the excited mode again )

Him : Oh well, chuck, let it be..

Me  :  Nooo, you had better tell it to me, You can't be doing this to me.

Him : I wish to spend this night with you.

Me  : Let's do it then (With a happy blushing smiley, happiness took over my mind and soul )

Him : Seriously ? Well, let's do it then... starry night.. tent over the hill top

Me  : And the grasshopper singing... While you are all confused and staring at me (In my best possible mood doing my assignments and texting him with a blush)

Him : How about you recite poetries and stories for me ?

Me  : All night ? (With the happy bitch dancing over my head )

Him : Yes, the whole night..

Me  : Well, in that case, you shall recite some to me as well...

Him : No, i won't be able to, i can't write well..

Me   :                                                     

                                                            You needn't be a perfectionist,

                                                                          cause tonight...

           I will live the untouched side of you,

           discover the raw beauty in you

           Appreciate with every blink of yours,

           make you feel pleasant about self.

           Make you laugh,

           every time you breathe.

           Make you feel good,

           every time you see me.

           Make you feel blessed,

           cause you are one in million.

Him : Don't do this to me ! (With the smiley of fear and threat)

Me   : Do what ? ( with the highest curiosity level possible)

Him : Your poems, I will fall in love with you, if you keep doing this to me.

Me   : (This was something which i wanted to hear for long, *to fall in love with me *, that very night dreams started to seem possible, even the difficult ones)

          I made up my mind,

          It's tonight or never.

          I will make you fall for me.

          Cause you sinned long back,

          by making me fall for you...

If i, ever realised it... (The end has no end...contd. )

And i am back again...
With the continuation of the previous tale "The end has no end"


The journey of 30 minutes ended quickly, thanks to her fab story narrating skills and my cheese burger which kept me going. After a while we got down at our respective stations and headed back home. I could spot lots of couples walking hand in hand, comparatively more than the usual days, of course anyone could spot those romantic beings walking hand in hand as it's valentines's day ! I din't wanted to go back home, maybe food could do some good to my mood. Without a second thought i headed towards the nearest pizza outlet and ordered my all time favourite and waited impatiently for my order to arrive. All i could see around me were really cute young old couples, hand in hand, staring at each other in the possible romantic gestures that they could ! And there is me, sitting all alone and staring at them with the most creepiest looks i could offer during the romantic environment flowering around me. I could spot the cute waiter heading with the love of my life, handled with utmost care and then placing it over my table with the possible graceful gesture. The curve over my face just grew more broader and without a pause i started enjoying every bite of the cheese dripping pizza. No doubt, i did feel the absence of another human sitting in front of me, but then i just figured out i could let the void (absence of my valentine) breathe for a while with the help of food. For instance, i felt things around me was just getting more confusing, numb and blurred. I was in tears, wondering what have i exactly got to cry now about ? Things seemed to be all settled and perfect, but something was still eating up my mind. I stared back at my phone, thinking if i should ring up a random soul and burst out or whether stay back all calm and relaxed and fight with the confusing situation within my brain itself. I grabbed the tissues to wipe the tears off. Moments later i was jotting down something on the very same tear soaked tissue paper....and this is how it went...

You spelled it as the end,

while it was just the start.

You paused it without a blink,

while i replayed it with a stare.

You moved on with a grin,

I stood back all helpless.

Smile gleamed over your face,

betrayals took over my brain.

Deep inside you were numb,

and my facial always lied a smile.

You caged yourself all alive,

while i let myself fly by...

I stopped writing, as my phone was ringing, mom's name was flashing. I gathered all my stuff and started back for home, with the tissue paper crumpled in my hand. If i could ever figure out, what did i wanted badly at that point of time, then things could have been more easier and simpler. I started thinking about the previous important events in my life and was trying to examine what would have been more better, but then i realized its total vain crying over the spilled milk. By the time i reached home, i successfully masked a smile over my face and started discussing about my day with my parents. In my mind i was fighting with my thoughts, if i could oy figure out that what did i really want...still fighting with all the confusion with my over occupied mind...

-Oindrila Pal, BEING LEHA

The end has no end

hello there peepz ! :)
I am back again, with another tale.
Rea's story.... where there is no end to her pain :P
ahhh...well jokes apart....According to her, there is no end...to her relationship, which ended long time ago.
She was siting in front of me, biting her nails and eying my cheese burger, which i wouldn't have shared at any cost.
I didn't wanted to share my beloved burger with her and started right away "we have approximately 20-30 minutes, temme whatever is on your mind and yes you don't get the burger. "
I  asked her "What are you waiting for ? "
She was all numb and blank, i wondered what did exactly go wrong with her. Tears rolled down her eyes. I was hoping that she would start right away, I tried convincing her, it's time that she moves on (assuming the fact, that it has got something to do with  her love life yet again). After all things really don't go the way you wish to. 
And then she started.....
"Eight months... yes beautiful adventurous eight months. I wouldn't say it was a perfect relationship, but the best till date :) for sure. It was beautiful, perfect and weird in it's on way. I do miss those days where i would nag him for every little thing be it from eating to smoking to flirting with girls. No doubt, we fought every second day, but he would never forget to make up for the fight in his own surprising way. His sleepy calls every morning, my annoying calls every afternoon and the how was your day calls every night, was our daily routine or rather the toothbrush habit which we both developed unknowingly. No doubt his past was more f****d up than mines or any other person, but still i loved him the way he was, at least he wasn't fake, or pretended things which he wasn't. He wasn't perfect though, but his imperfections was the perfect thing i have ever been in love with.
If i had to describe him ever, i would call him 'the raw perfectionist', what a beautiful contrast it is, perfections in imperfections :) . I was asked by most of them, precisely everyone, lectured for hours by the counsellors, it's time you leave him, you really don't deserve this depression which you are facing because of him, it's really doing no good to your academics or to your mental and emotional health. I just reassured myself, that it's another bad phase in the relationship and it shall be over and things will be beautiful and perfect again. But little did i knew, i really couldn't force things to work out, communication between us started to die day by day, it crossed a stage where our names weren't visible in our call logs or the messages list. Weeks later he rings me up and pronounces as the end of our relationship and all i responded with a silent yes, it wasn't a mutual decision though, but somewhere i still assumed it to be a one sided relationship and continued to assume the fact that i still belong to him. Weeks later, i decided that i should come in terms with reality, i thought i had rather move on, maybe dating another guy would solve the problem. It really din't take me that much struggle to fetch another guy, it was a casual relationship, where there was no sign of love but an absolute package of lust, which took me really quite a lot of time to realise, by the time i realised it was too late, i decided to move out of it. Without a second thought i call up my ex back, the guy who is still the love of my life, after many rings he picks up my call, there was an unusual awkward silence between us, wondering to what we should really respond back with, on hearing his voice i felt more alive and happiness started flowing through my veins and arteries, what an unusual feeling it was. I was almost in tears, he could feel me over the phone, his silence spoke tons, & then i started that how hard i tried to move on and how i ran away from the relationship of lust, how i screwed up things when he wasn't around. He absolutely din't like the fact that i was dating someone else and that made me less pure in his perspective. He still hates me for the fact that i was away with some another guy and maybe he will never accept me back. But if i had to blame someone in the end, it would be him, because of his irrational sudden decision things got worse on my side forcing me to take steps which i have shouldn't, things wouldn't have gone to the worse extent if we would have mutually talked about it.... I am still trying to get things fine and perfect like before, hoping for a miracle to happen, but everything seems to be in vain. i feel there is no end to this pain and confusion over my mind and heart. It seems the end has no end.... "

I was staring at her all confused, her smile grew more broader, she wasn't crying anymore, i felt it was way too strange, the girl who was crying 30 minutes back was smiling at me mysteriously..

And then she continues again, "But i realised its very strange and stupid of me, to go back to someone, who judges me as impure, it was because of him that i landed up in those situations which made me take wrong decisions, i din't belong to him at that point of time, he left me all helpless and fragmented. I never made an issue with his past or his previous dating scenarios, and i feel its pretty pointless that he makes an issue of something for which he's highly responsible. No doubt i am still in a dilemma, deep inside my heart i do want that guy back badly, but i guess it would be a great insult to my self-respect if i go back to the same guy who actually considered me impure... for some really irrational reasons"

It was a strange feeling though, that Rea solved her problem and answered her question without my help for the first time. It's valentines day today and i believe she realised the fact that it's time that she starts loving herself more than anyone else could do. The more she starts loving herself for who she is as a person the more she will successfully stay away from all the people who would want to mess up around with her and her happiness. No doubt there is no end to any sort of thing which is considered to have ended, in fact it's just another new chapter, another new beginning.

I gleamed a creepy smile on her, i am sure she could spot the cheese in the corner of my teeth and she laughs back and says " why do you look so serious ? Just imagine, What if the purpose of love is to get us out of relationships and not into them ? ........."

-Oindrila Pal, BEING LEHA